Caitlin ♥ Elizabeth ♥ Alexa ♥ McGuinness

Caitlin Elizabeth Alexa McGuinness, beautiful daughter of Zoe and Alex. Our little pink princess who
we adored and loved with all our hearts and we will love her for all eternity.
Caitlin means pure and she really was. When choosing names it was the first that came into my head
and it stuck. We called her Caits for short. Elizabeth was in memory of her Great Great Nan Violet
Elizabeth Howard who died 2 months before Caitlin was born. Finally Alexa after her Daddy.
Caitlin has a big sister, Ria, who misses her very much. Caitlin loved Ria reading to her and
cuddling her.
Caitlin is now also a BIG sister to baby Caelia, named using the first initials of all Caitlins
names. Caelia means heavenly, and we really do believe Caitlin sent us this baby girl to bring some
joy into our lives and brighten up the darkest days.
Caitlin is a much missed Grandaughter and Niece and nobody will ever forget her.
Caitlin was one in a million...



Our beautiful, precious baby girl was killed by the NHS. Due to the failings of the hospital where
Caitlin was born she was severely brain damaged (please read below for full story). The inquest into
her death started on 7th September 2009. The medical "professionals" evidence was shambolic and
showed how disorganised and useless they really are. The midwife who delivered Caitlin failed to
attend, so the coroner has summonsed her to come. We are now waiting for a second date to hear
further evidence and get the verdict.

Pregnancy and Birth
My pregnancy was handled negligently by all so called health care professionals. I was a high risk
patient, but they failed to treat me as such. During my pregnancy it was found I had a low lying
placenta and pre-eclampsia. I had a 2 severe bleeds but the hospital failed to act. By the time I
was induced at 42 weeks, Caitlin was at real danger. The midwives were uncaring, rude and often
disappeared for long periods. I later found out the reason for this was that the midwife was caring
for THREE other women, one of which was a high risk patient. Caitlin was in fetal distress for 3
hours, which is shown on the ctg trace but nobody, not one doctor or midwife recognised it to be. A
ventouse delivery could have been performed at about 11pm, and Caitlin would have escaped all harm.
Because of a failiure to recognise the baby was compromised, Caitlin was left to a Spontaneous
Vaginal Delivery at 11.45pm.
Caitlin was born blue and not breathing. We knew something was wrong when we saw blood coming from
her mouth and nose. The second midwife took her off and they crash called the paediatric team. We
were in a state of shock. I knew it was bad but I assumed she just needed a little help and that she
would be fine. Caitlin had suffered birth asphyxia and was given neonatal resuscitation which
involved a bag and mask with CPR, then intubation, ventilation and life support in SCBU. Within
hours of her birth Caitlin showed signs of convulsions. For this she was given medication and was
sedated to calm the activity in her brain, as it was swollen and the pressure could be enough to
kill her. Caitlin had multi-organ damage, to her heart, lungs, kidneys and liver. Her urine output
was poor and there were concerns about her breathing. Gradually these organs showed signs of
recovery. The main concern was her brain. Once a brain is starved of oxygen, the cells are killed,
and these cannot regenerate or repair like other organs. Damage is irreversible and it varies
depending on how severe and long the person is asphyxiated for. Tragically, Caitlin's was of the
more catastrophic variety. There were widespread areas of damage to the brain. It was a very bleak
outlook.
At the time I did not really take this all in. I did not fully understand just how bad this was. I
just sat in SCBU day after day, night after night, refusing to leave her. I prayed, cried, shouted,
collapsed to the floor. I asked WHY???? Why my little baby, born weighing 9lb5ozs and looking so
perfect and normal, was now being pumped full of drugs, having machines breathing for her, having
her soft baby hair shaved off for access into the veind in her head. What went so wrong? Why me???
All we wanted was for our little girl to live. As the days went by Caitlin stopped fitting, and
started breathing on CPAP. She had no suck or swallow reflex, this was due to the brain damage.
Caitlin was fed via a nasal gastric tube. When she was breathing on her own the Doctor's started
talking about discharging her, and asking what I wanted to do. I wanted her home! With her family
where we could care for her and love her. We had meetings with community nurses, social workers and
was prepared physically for taking home a disabled child. Mentally and emotionally this was much
harder. We had to begin to grieve for the child Caitlin should have been. Loving her was no problem,
that is unconditional. Caitlin was so vunerable and we just wanted to do all we could for her.
We took her home at 3 weeks and we began learning how to tube feed her, how to give oral suctioning
to clear her airways, to carry out daily physio, to manage her severe reflux (she would throw up
after every feed) and muscle spasms. Handling was difficult as her legs were fixed in an extended
scissored position, her arms were tightly curled up. Her head stayed floppy, and Caitlin had no
motor control or voluntary movement. Caitlin really did suffer during her short life. It is hard to
imagine the pain and it really upsets me to think of her trapped in her tiny frail body not being
able to see or hear.
We hoped that her condition would improve but it didnt. We used a tumble form chair, we slept her on
a wedge, we gave lots of sensory stimulation, physio, massage but nothing made her any more
comfortable. Caitlin was under the frequent care of some 13 organistations. Everyone could see how
ill she was and she was not growing due to her high energy needs plus her reflux. At 1 year she was
admitted for failure to thrive. The hospital carried out lots of tests and found Caitlin had
epilepsy.

A couple of weeks later, Caitlin was discharged home and we were optimistic about the anti fitting
medication and new feeding regime and hoped that she would make some real improvement. For a short
while she gained weight. Then in October I realised her gastrostomy site looked sore and scabby and
that Caitlin was unwell and coughing alot. Caitlin often had chest infections due to the loss of her
gag/suck/swallow reflex. Her oral secretions would drain into her lungs. I harassed the community
nurse to come round and take a look at her, and eventually he turned up at 6.30pm. I explained my
concerns, but he did not seem too worried and suggested I took Caitlin to the GP the next day. So I
put Caitlin on her feeding pump, gave her meds and put her to sleep with a kiss and a cuddle. At 2am
I heard her coughing, so I checked on her but she settled and I went back to sleep. At 7am I heard
Caitlins feeding pump alarming to tell me the feed had finished. I went in and realised immediately
that Caitlin was unconscious. I lifted her up and checked her breathing, she was not breathing so I
shouted for her Daddy to call an ambulance. At this time she was still warm and had pink lips. I
laid Caitlin down and started CPR which the hospital had taught me. The paramedics arrived and took
over. We got to Lewisham hospital on the blue lights in 3 minutes, where they battled for 20 minutes
to save our precious girl, but it was too late. She was gone. It took me a while to see her after
they came and told me she had passed. I was scared. I dont know why... The hospital Chaplain Annie
sat and prayed with her while I built up the courage to see my angel. When I did, I just picked her
up like normal and held her so tightly. I had nothing to be scared of. She looked so peaceful and at
rest. All the family came and held her, we took lots of photo's and the nurse took a piece of her
hair for me to keep. I wanted to carry her to the mortuary, and as we stepped out the doors of A&E
the sun beamed on her face. Alex and I treasure that short moment in time, when I carried our angel
in the autumn sun. It was then I knew she was in a better place.
Soon after, Caitlin started to go cold and turn blue. Its this image that stays with me and its so
upsetting. I try to picture her alive but its this image that is etched in my memory and I find it
hard to get rid of.....
♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰
We held our angel in the chapel of rest. We gave her lots of cuddles and talked to her. We took 2
small teddies to look after her, and they remained with her for the post mortem at Great Ormond
Street and in the funeral parlour. We placed a photo next to her face of Mummy, Daddy, Ria and
Caitlin together. We gave her a bible, some bells that she got for her birthday and all of the
family put in letters. She finally looked so peaceful and free of pain. We just didnt want to let go
of her. Caitlin was just everything to us. Losing her has devastated our lives beyond belief. I
still have nightmares about her birth and death. I would give anything to have her back for one
cuddle. Just to see her pretty eyes and tell her I love her.

Caring for a disabled child is the hardest, but most rewarding thing anyone could ever do. Even
without being able to communicate you develop such a strong bond - you know what they need, feel and
think. They speak without words. They teach you things that you could never learn from a book. They
are magical. They light up your life and teach you how to be a better person and how to love
completely selflessly. I would have done anything for Caitlin, and I hope that she knows that I am
so proud of her. Caitlin my sweetheart you are my all, and a big part of me has gone with you.

Poem I wrote just after Caitlin passed away;


Blankets never slept under
Inside an empty bed
A big space deep within in my heart
And one inside my head
Toys youll never play with
Clothes youll never wear
I miss you Caits so so much
Because you went up there
Your life is just beginning
In a place where nothing dies
A place where you are happy
No-one walks, they fly
Everytime the sunsets, on another day
I close my eyes and dream of you
And in my dreams youll stay

*****Twinkle Twinkle Little Star*****


Our little Princess - WIGGLY WOO

♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰
Matthew, Mark, Luke and John,

Bless the bed that I lie on.

There are four corners to my bed,

Four angels round my head,

One to watch, and one to pray,

And two to bear my soul away.

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰ ♰ ♥ ♰
Caitlin was laid to rest at Falconwood Cemetery 8th November 2007. It was such a beautiful day. Me
and her Daddy carried her coffin, and everyone came to say goodbye to her. Caitlins Big Sister Ria
released a dove for her, and everyone released pink and white balloons at her graveside.


God Bless you Caits,
Love you lots, Mummy and Daddy xxxxxxx

Also remembering Caits Great Nan Violet Howard, buried in Falconwood Memorial Garden.

*************************************
Funeral poem I wrote for Caits;

God gave me a baby,
to love but not to keep,
He shone his light upon you,
and took you in your sleep

Even though we miss you,
I know your free of pain,
just wait for me in heaven,
I will hold you once again

Until the day I join you,
Mummy will shed tears,
but I know your not far away
I know your always here

Sweet dreams, Goodnight
and God bless,
my princess in the sky,
your now an angel and a star
Caitlin you must fly.

Love Mummy
xxxx



Psalm 23 Read at Caitlins funeral service;

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil: For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.


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Please feel free to donate to Demelza childrens Hospice in Caitlins name at
http://www.justgiving.com/angelcaitlin (no spaces)

We will be together again one day sweetheart, until then, enjoy heaven and play safe with the angels
xxxxx